I have just seen a man running along the street with a cape on.

“Are you a Superhero?” I asked.

“No. I haven’t paid for my haircut!” he replied.

Car Insurance

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, “Yes, I’ve got a dog.”

She said, “Would you like to insure him too?”

I said, “Don’t be daft, he can’t drive!”

Rugby Ball

I tried to smuggle a rugby ball through customs… I thought it was worth a try!


I watched a coughing contest on TV between residents of Botany Bay, Whitley Bay and Morecambe Bay… I love the Great British Bay Cough!

King James

A grandmother showed her granddaughter the special family Bible explaining that it was an old and beautiful King James Version.

The girl had a few questions, but Grandma was completely speechless when she asked, ‘So which virgin was the mother of Jesus – the Virgin Mary or the King James virgin?’

Quasimodo’s Hump

Quasimodo goes to the doctor about his hump.

The doctor asks Quasimodo to take off his raincoat.

“Remove your overcoat as well, please”, adds the doctor.

“And your jacket…”

“And your waistcoat…”

“And your shirt…”

“When did you last go to school?” asks the doctor.

“About 15 years ago”, replies Quasimodo.

The doctor asks, “Did you ever wonder where you’d left your satchel?!”

Piece of Rope

The other day I was walking along pulling a piece of rope behind me.

A chap asked me why I was pulling along a piece of rope so I told him, “You try pushing it!”

One Door Closes…..

When one door closes, another door opens… I think I need a new car!

Bag for Life

Why is it that supermarkets charge the same for a Bag for Life irrespective of how old you are when you buy it?