Church Treasurer’s Sheep

The church treasurer came down early one morning and complained to his wife that he had hardly slept a wink. His wife asked ,

“Why on earth didn’t you count sheep?

He replied, “I did, and that’s what got me into trouble – I made a mistake in the first hour, and it took me until early morning to correct it.”

A church notice sheet was prepared in great haste and it contained the following announcement. A proof reader would have helped!

“There will be a special meeting of the Church Council next Saturday morning. We hope all members will be able to attend. It will be gin with breakfast at 7.30am.

Unhearing Vicar
Following a short illness, a vicar lost his hearing, but he continued to preach the following Sunday morning. At lunch he told his family it was a very strange experience because he couldn’t hear himself preach.

One his his mischievous children promptly responded with, “You don’t know how lucky you were.”

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, five, and Ryan, three. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the chance for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’”

Quick as a flash, Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?”

“He died and went to heaven,” the father replied.

The boy thought a moment and then asked: “Why did God throw him back down?”

Wise Words
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

More Wise Words
Taking a dog called Shark to the beach is not a good idea!

The Magician
What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Problem For Flat Earth Society Members
The Flat Earth Society are reporting that the two metre social distancing measures are pushing some of their members over the edge.

The Bandleader
What did the bandleader call his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two

Magic Carpet Racing
Did you hear about the magic carpet racing world championship?
Aladdin got banned due to performance enhancing rugs.

In The Restaurant
Two women were in a restaurant when a duck walks in with a dozen red roses, places them on the table and says, “You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes”.

One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, “No, we ordered AROMATIC duck!!!”

What could have been taken from a church magazine!!